Heartaches

Give me long enough and I'll talk myself out of everything I consider.

All I want is Manhattan.

If that's all I ever have in this life, I will be happy.

Well, that and a Kitchen Aid.

So, even though I want him.

Even though I want Seattle.

Even though I want a job in Denver.

Even though I want to stay here.

I can't.

My heart breaks for Manhattan.

Manhattan and a Kitchen Aid.

A shiny, red Kitchen Aid.

Adventures in Cupcake Making

If I thought I was mad at Kim for the hell she put me through making wonton wrappers, it was nothing compared to the deep desire I had to pull my hair out over baking chocolate cupcakes.

I began my yesterday afternoon in a great mood. Church was lovely, lunch was lovely, grocery shopping was lovely, and I hoped to have a cupcake in the midst of all this lovliness. I gathered up all my ingredients, pulled out the electric mixer, and began the baking process. Things began very smoothly. Even though I could never claim to be anything close to professional, baking is my thing. I've had the gist of it down by now since my mother stuck a spatula in my hand at the age of four. I think this love for baking stemmed more from my enjoyment of licking the beaters rather than the actual baking process, but that's beside the point. I know baking- and I know that the ratio of dry to wet ingredients is drastically off in Kim's recipe.

I had sifted the flour, cocoa powder, and other dry ingredients together. The almond milk had been set to curdle with the apple cider vinegar. I creamed the Earth Balance with the sugar. And then it all went horribly wrong. The dry ingredients were added along with the almond milk/apple cider vinegar mix and it rapidly became clear that there was not enough moisture to turn this into a batter. At first, I didn't panic. I still had 1/2 cup of orange juice to add with the hopes that it would cure my problem. Well, it didn't. I added more milk and it kind of improved things...ok, no it didn't. It just kept looking like a mess of stiff chocolate dough- not a smooth cake batter.

After some time of hoping an praying I could mix it out of disaster dough land and into happy cake batter land, I decided to just give it a go and throw the damn things in the over and see what would come out. What came out was just plain awful. The cupcakes looked so dry, which clearly makes sense since the dough (I never did get it into a batter) was so dry.

The cupcakes got set out on the counter to cool, I made myself a tempeh bacon BLT, and met up with my girlfriends to see Something Barrowed (which was adorable, by the way). I didn't try the cupcakes when I came home. I thought to myself that they couldn't be that bad. So, I whipped up the peanut butter frosting, which turned out splendidly. At least I managed to make something right. I frosted the cupcakes and took a bite.

YUCK.

The cupcakes were absolutely horrible. I honestly didn't know one could screw cupcakes up that badly. Lesson learned. I officially gave up for the night and got some shut eye. Upon waking up this morning, I sent a text to my friend who happens to be a baker (I slightly hate him for getting paid to do what I love most) and asked him if we could go over the recipe and figure out where I went wrong. I read the ingredients to him over the phone and asked him if it was at all weird for a cake batter recipe to have such a small amount of wet ingredients. He informed me that it was and we made plans to get together and figure this thing out.

This afternoon, I hauled the ingredients over to his apartment, slapped on an apron, and began showing him what I had done. He had the genius idea of putting a pan of water in the oven while it preheated so it would hold moisture. When we got to the "disaster zone" part of the recipe where we mixed the dry and wet ingredients into the Earth Balance and suger mixture, he instantly saw the very obvious problem that there was simple not enough wet ingredients to make a real batter. We added two more cups of almond milk and that seemed to do the trick. The dough turned into a beautiful cake batter and eventually into beautiful little cupcakes :)

We did decide that we could get away with reducing the additional almond milk by 1/4 cup and doubling the baking soda and powder, since the cupcakes didn't rise as much as they should have. So, when I get around to trying this I will let y'all know how it goes.

(Sorry, I didn't get a picture of them with the peanut butter frosting. Oops.)

Butternut Squash Ravioli with Sage Sauce

Saturday, I made Butternut Squash Ravioli with Sage Sauce. Delicious, yes? Oh, yes.

This combination of butternut squash, vegan parmesan, panko breadcrums, and Earth Balance is stuffed into a lovely little wonton wrapper, quickly boiled, and tossed with the sage sauce. Sounds simple right? Well, it is.

But would you like to know what is not simple? Making wonton wrappers.

I began making the wrappers around noonish with the idea that I would be able to eat the ravioli for lunch before two. Oh, what nice little thought that was! I was still working on the wonton wrappers by the time two o' clock rolled around. Hunger pangs broke me down and I made a snack out of strawberry slices and some almond butter on toast. Now, it wasn't the making of the dough that gave me trouble. That bit was simple enough- mix flour, salt, and warm water together and knead until smooth. However, after letting the dought sit under a clean towl for 20 min., the task of rolling the dough out and forming the wrappers began. And it was hell.

Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it took much longer than anticipated. I had absolutely no idea the man power it was going to take to roll that dough down to one sixteenth of an inch. I rolled. And rolled. And rolled. And rolled some more. Fianlly, after a good hour plus I got 17 wonton wrappers out of the dough (I was supposed to have 24, but not all my wrappers were a uniform 3" x 3" square, nor were they perfectly one sixteenth of an inch). And earlier I had seriously been worried about not making time to work out. Let me save you money on the gym- make wonton wrappers everyday. Your arms will get all the work out they need.

When it came to making the butternut squash filling, it was a snap. Although, this recipe made me officially hate my blender and I am  now purchasing a food processer ASAP. While my blender rocks at whipping out a great smoothie, it's awful with sauces and oh say, blending squash and Earth Balance. Normally, I can deal with having to poke the contents of the blender continuely with a spatula until reaching the desired texture, but my patience was running a little thin at this point after how long it took to make the wonton wrappers.

Blender issues aside, after assembling the contents of the ravioli, they boiled nicely while I worked on the sage sauce. Now, the sage sauce isn't so much a "sauce" as it is, a bunch of sage breify sauteed in a ton of Earth Balance. I felt like that was a nice little homage to miss Julia Child and her love of butter, since I modeled The Skinny Bitch Project after The Julie/Julia Project.

The ravioli turned out to be much better than I expected for my first time making them. Actually, they turned out pretty damn well if I do say so myself. The sage is a perfect complimentary flavor for the squash. The texture of everything was smooth and creamy...delectable!

Basic Smoothie-On-the-Go

With its light texture and perfect ratio of tartness to sweetness, this could be the drink of my summer. I can picture it now- sitting on the deck, flipping through Lucky and other summer reading, sipping this delectable smoothie.

Gosh, I'm such a girl.

:)

The Basic Smoothie-On-the-Go is a simple blend of orange juice, frozen strawberries, vanilla soy yogurt, one banana, a touch of vanilla extract, and acai powder. I choose to leave the acai powder out simply because it is way out of my price range (though, I do love acai!).

Can't wait to sip this out under the sunshine!

A Collection of Thoughts

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. About love. About life.

About the future and all that other big stuff.

It's all connected and it's all a little crazy how everything, every little thing affects everything else. Think that scene in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button when Benjamin walks us through how all the little timely actions of others shaped different situations that were otherwise seemingly unrelated. He shows us how all if any one of those tiny things had been different by a matter of minutes, or even seconds, Daisy's accident wouldn't have happened.

One. little. thing.

There is something slightly terrifying yet exciting about that. I hate that one little thing could cause me to miss out on something, but missing that something means I'm experiencing something else I wouldn't be if I were experiencing the former. If that makes sense.

With college graduation season going on, I find myself answering my least favorite question a lot: Do you regret leaving college?

Just so we can all be on the same page once and for all, the answer is no.

If I hadn't left college I would never had ended up studying photography. My best friend said a few months back this true statement- I don't think we knew how much [photography school] would change our lives.

She's soooooo right. Last June when I began this blog, I had no idea that I was embarking on a summer that would break me in every way possible. I had no idea that I would fall in love with the studio. I had no idea that I would cry on a street corner, because I didn't feel my work was good enough. I had no idea that people who I spent the summer in class with would change me in ways they don't even know. 

It was a summer of ups and downs. Of laughter and sadness. Of growth and growing pains.

For a while now, I've been thinking I must look like a total failure. It's been close to a year since I began the program and have yet to hold a job in photography- not for lack of trying. However, I've come to a great epiphany today- I owe no one an explanation. The only person I owe anything to is myself. I know that I have been trying my best and that is truly all that matters. So what if I'm still waiting tables? So friggin' what? Judge away if you please over the fact that I chose not to be a college graduate and study art instead. That was my choice.

"You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts.

You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth.
But that’s all." -Sugar, discovered via the always lovely Meg

My whole entire life is still ahead of me and one little thing can change everything for me. So, I'm trusting that God has a reason it's taken me this long to get a job. I believe that one little thing can set my path, whether I'm aware of it or not. May it be love. May it be a job in Manhattan. (Oh, please let it be in Manhattan.) May it be a job somewhere completely different. May it be a vacation. Or a concert. Or simply lunch in the park.

One little thing can change everything.

An Open Letter to Single Men Everywhere

Dear Men,

No, I do not want to "hang out" with you.

I want you to ask me out on a date. An actual date.

I want to put on a dress and have a reason to curl my hair. I want you to actually pick me up and take me somewhere nice. I want you to have a plan, even if it is simply the traditional dinner and a movie set up. I would like for you to open the door for me. Pull out my chair for me. And hey, it would also earn you a few bonus points if you're dressed a little nicer than normal.

Hell, make me believe I can be Jo to your Mr. Avery for a night.

Please offer to pay and walk me to the door at the end of the night. Don't expect a kiss on the very first date. When I really like you, I move slowly.

Because here's the thing, I can "hang out" at home. If I felt like watching a bad movie in awkward silence while wondering if you're going to make the brave move to reach for my hand, I would. But I don't. After all, we're not fifteen anymore gentlemen.

So please, pretty please, don't ask me to hang out. After we're in a relationship, I'm all for it. But for now, man up.

Love,

The girl who is baffled by the lack of dating skills in our generation