A Collection of Thoughts

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. About love. About life.

About the future and all that other big stuff.

It's all connected and it's all a little crazy how everything, every little thing affects everything else. Think that scene in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button when Benjamin walks us through how all the little timely actions of others shaped different situations that were otherwise seemingly unrelated. He shows us how all if any one of those tiny things had been different by a matter of minutes, or even seconds, Daisy's accident wouldn't have happened.

One. little. thing.

There is something slightly terrifying yet exciting about that. I hate that one little thing could cause me to miss out on something, but missing that something means I'm experiencing something else I wouldn't be if I were experiencing the former. If that makes sense.

With college graduation season going on, I find myself answering my least favorite question a lot: Do you regret leaving college?

Just so we can all be on the same page once and for all, the answer is no.

If I hadn't left college I would never had ended up studying photography. My best friend said a few months back this true statement- I don't think we knew how much [photography school] would change our lives.

She's soooooo right. Last June when I began this blog, I had no idea that I was embarking on a summer that would break me in every way possible. I had no idea that I would fall in love with the studio. I had no idea that I would cry on a street corner, because I didn't feel my work was good enough. I had no idea that people who I spent the summer in class with would change me in ways they don't even know. 

It was a summer of ups and downs. Of laughter and sadness. Of growth and growing pains.

For a while now, I've been thinking I must look like a total failure. It's been close to a year since I began the program and have yet to hold a job in photography- not for lack of trying. However, I've come to a great epiphany today- I owe no one an explanation. The only person I owe anything to is myself. I know that I have been trying my best and that is truly all that matters. So what if I'm still waiting tables? So friggin' what? Judge away if you please over the fact that I chose not to be a college graduate and study art instead. That was my choice.

"You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts.

You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth.
But that’s all." -Sugar, discovered via the always lovely Meg

My whole entire life is still ahead of me and one little thing can change everything for me. So, I'm trusting that God has a reason it's taken me this long to get a job. I believe that one little thing can set my path, whether I'm aware of it or not. May it be love. May it be a job in Manhattan. (Oh, please let it be in Manhattan.) May it be a job somewhere completely different. May it be a vacation. Or a concert. Or simply lunch in the park.

One little thing can change everything.